A night out for Zoro and Sanji
by lochrann
Summary: Zoro and Sanji and their pathetic attempts at getting laid. Warning: obviously for adult themes and severe silliness.
1. Chapter 1

*Tiny edit*: This story has jost got over a thousand hits so I felt the need to thank you all so much for reading!

"So Marimo, tell me, why are you even more grumpy than usual"

"What's it to you, curly-brow?" Zoro growled at the blond sitting across from him at the wooden table.

They had been partying again on Luffy's behalf, though for what reason exactly neither of them could really remember. Chopper, Luffy and Usopp had been so energetic during the feast and giddy when Franky had brought out his new invention that allowed them to have a small bonfire on the deck of the ship, though for once the crew was not really impressed because this extravagant new invention was nothing more than a giant pan on steel legs. The effect it had, though, was not lessened by its simplicity. All of them except for Robin and Zoro, as usual, had been singing and dancing around the fire enjoying the cheerful music Brook was playing alternately on the piano, they had brought outside and his violin; once in a while accompanied by Franky's guitar. Everyone had had a wonderful time and after Luffy and the two other younger boys had practically passed out on the lawn the rest of the crew had decided to head to bed with Brook and Franky making sure that the three fast-asleep party animals were brought beneath deck to recuperate some energy, which left Zoro and Sanji sitting at the small table that Sanji had used to lay out the buffet. This would happen quite often at the end of nights like these. Both of them were young men in their prime and liked a bit of a binge once in a wile. Naturally they had been drinking throughout the feast, sake and different wines respectively; but at some point when they were alone Sanji would whip out a bottle of some expensive whisky that he would keep for occasions like these.

Watching Zoro poring himself another glass Sanji tried again to strike up a conversation with the stoic swordsman. "Come on, algae head, somethings got your panties in a bunch usually talking about it helps...apparently" he added, knowing perfectly well he wouldn't be to inclined to share, either, but he was bored and Zoro really had been in an even worse mood than usual in the past couple of weeks.

"Get off my fucking case, ero-cook" the swordsman growled and downed his drink.

"You want me to guess?"

"No" Zoro stated, but was ignored.

"Someone scratch your swords?"

Silence.

"You lose to someone? I mean other than me."

More silence.

"Is Chopper not letting you train as much as you'd like?" That at least earned him a reaction in the form of a snort that indicated to him that this was in fact frustrating the ever active swordsman but it still didn't feel like he had found the cause of his miserable mood.

"Oh I know, you have girl troubles!"

The slightest hint of a blush.

Wait, what?

Sanji had merely been joking, taking a stab at Zoro PMSing or something along those lines but apparently now he was actually on to something.

"Hold on, you didn't fall in love or anything. Because that would be hilarious after all the times you've made fun of me for being a romantic considerate prince..."

He was harshly interrupted in the middle of his self-praising by a loud "Tch, what do you think?"

Apparently not.

In a rare attempt of using his own logic on the swordsman he tried one last time.

"You horny or something?"

There it was again, the faint blush, and now the other man even seemed to be squirming in his seat.

"And if I was it'd be none of your business, shit cook!" Zoro ground out, clearly uncomfortable.

Lazily pulling out and lighting a cigarette with a smug smile, Sanji started lightly chuckling.

"Ah, but Marimo head, I make it my business. I know all about the beautiful ladies and their needs, so you've come to the right address!"

"Firstly, cook, I never came to you and I'm certainly not having you meddle with my..." he cleared his throat and muttered "sex-life and secondly," now back to old form "judging by those mags our rubbery captain found under your bunk the other day you're most likely desperate for something real yourself, so stop going around wanting to give me tips!"

Anger immediately flared up in the cook. What was the shitty swordsman thinking? Firstly those were high class and artistic photographs of elegant women and secondly the Marimo had just more or less admitted that he was in just as desperate a state as Sanji was himself.

A very curious idea crept into his mind and the fact that he was actually thinking of doing _that_ surprised him enough to extinguish his anger.

"You know..." he tried but really didn't know how to go about suggesting what he was just thinking and whether it wasn't a better idea to just drop it altogether...but he really could use a little release.

Zoro fixed a glare on the cook but didn't say anything, which was his most polite way of indicating that he was listening.

_Interesting_ Sanji thought _the Marimo seems desperate_. That realisation increased his courage and he went about relaying his plan to the green-haired man sitting across from him.

"You know, we could work together on this. I mean..." He took another sip of his whisky trying to find the right words but was interrupted by Zoro.

"What? You wanna fuck me?" He deadpanned and only just managed to evade the spray of liquor coming from the cooks mouth.

Sanji coughed and spluttered until he could finally catch enough breath to snarl at his crew mate.

"No, you stupid idiot, I meant in a wing-man kind of way. Ugh, now I've got that mental image in my head, thanks a ton!" he shivered while glaring at Zoro.

The other man just shrugged.

"Wouldn't have done it anyway. I'm not that desperate!"

"Well, neither am I. And I'm really regretting even bringing the whole thing up!"

Sanji was seething and Zoro was poring another glass for himself and the cook when he broke the silence that had ensued.

"So, this wing-man thing, if we were to do it, how would we go about it?"

Sanji looked up disbelievingly but Zoro actually seemed serious.

"Have you ever done anything like that before?" Sanji at least knew more or less what to do, after all the one or the other time when he and some of the younger cooks on the Baratie had ventured to the closest shore for supplies, they would also use the opportunity to chat up some local girls. But the marimo looked pretty uneasy which made Sanji think that he probably never had any such experience.

"When I was travelling with Yosaku and Johnny we did go to the one or the other place and tried our best, but apparently I look to intimidating and the other two goons weren't too popular, either!"

"Obviously..." Sanji sighed, this wasn't going to be easy. "Have you ever considered not scowling at anything living like you were imagining what it'd be like to disembowel them. I can't picture any woman going for that"

"Che, it should work! I thought the tarts dig bad guys."

Sanji could already feel his eye twitching but decided to try and be civil with the ignorant algae head because after all it was hopefully going to serve a higher cause.

"Firstly, they don't like to be called tarts! And secondly there's a major difference between a bad guy and a mad-serial-killer-dangerous guy!"

"Pff!" Zoro leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms but didn't argue, which Sanji took as a consent to the plan.

"So are you with me? Next time we hit a port you won't just wander off and drown yourself in booze but you'll come with me to something a little more classy and we'll find ourselves some beautiful women!"

"Yeah, whatever!"

Sanji grinned and could have been hallucinating but he was sure he saw the corners of Zoro's mouth were also twitching upwards.

AN: I sat down to write an essay on Philosophy of mind and this is what came out, ah the curse of procrastination! It's exceptionally stupid but it just crept up on me and I might not be able to write anything philosophical unless I get it out of my system! I more or less know where I'm going with it. The next chapters will certainly be more...ahm adult themed and I _will _be putting our two heroes in embarrassing situations^^


	2. Chapter 2

"Oi shithead, sit up straight!" Sanji whacked Zoro in the back to emphasize his command.

The swordsman and cook were sitting on high stools at the bar of a somewhat elegant tavern in the middle of the small port town they had arrived at that afternoon.

It had taken Sanji about an hour to convince Zoro to ditch two of his swords, after all they were very distinguishable. The notorious pirate was the only master of his unique fighting style and would therefore be far from inconspicuous with all three of them on his hip. Sanji had planned on having Zoro leave all his swords behind, knowing that as long as they didn't get into too much trouble the swordsman could handle himself even without any weapons. As it was, he also demanded that Zoro wear something slightly less ugly, as he had put it accompanied by loud protests form Zoro, and ended up trading the white hilted sword for a dark grey button up shirt, the only piece of clothing the swordsman seemed to posses that Sanji deigned appropriate for the occasion. Why the stupid Marimo insisted on wearing that hideous Haramaki underneath was anyone's guess. Sanji, of course had no such difficulty looking impeccable as ever without putting any kind of additional effort into his outfit.

"Hey! Stop hitting me!" Zoro complained, at the same time waving over the barkeeper to order some drinks.

When stepping inside the establishment Sanji had immediately located at least seven possible targets for himself and the one or the other slightly less attractive lady for Zoro. He decided to point out some of them to the other.

"You see the three girls in the booth back there?" He subtly nudged his chin in the direction he had seen the three young women. "Two brunettes and a blond?" Zoro asked without moving.

"Yeah, but how did you...?"

"Saw them when we came in." The swordsman said, excepting the drinks the barkeeper had slid his way and in return cramming out a couple of crumpled bills to shove back to the barkeeper.

"Ah, so you're not entirely hopeless at this!" Taking the bottle of sake he was handed by his crew mate Sanji had to smile. He couldn't believe it but he was actually enjoying himself. For the last couple of days he had been regretting having had the idea in the first place and wondering whether it wouldn't be better to not put the plan into action after all, but if the swordsman wasn't backing out he wasn't going to either, so now this night looked to promise some fun.

"Should we go over there?" Zoro asked a little uncertainly.

"Let's give it a try. But let me talk first!" He gave the man a pointed look and was rewarded with an evil glare but the lack of any actual complaint told him that Zoro was prepared to do this his way.

Drinks in hand they wandered over to the small group of women chattering excitedly when the two young men approached.

"Excuse me, you lovely ladies," Zoro could hardly repress raising his eyes to heaven but didn't dare interrupt the cook, after all for once he had to admit that Sanji had more of an idea of what to do in this kind of situation "but my friend here and I we just had to move away from that bar because of the _company_," he waved noncommittally in the direction of the bar where most of the drunk patrons were situated "and we were wondering whether you'd mind us sitting down with you?"

One of the girls started giggling behind her hand but the other two seemed to be less embarrassed by the approach and gestured for the two to sit down. Sanji immediately slid in next to the blond girl and Zoro drew up an empty chair from a table next to them.

"I've never seen you around here. Are you sailors?" The blond girl sitting next to Sanji asked boldly propping her elbows up on the table and in the process increasing her cleavage substantially, which didn't go unnoticed by either Sanji or Zoro but the cook's reaction was more obvious in the form of a gasped 'Mellorine'.

"Yeah, we're ahm..." It had been hard enough to pull when he admitted to being a bounty hunter but Zoro suspected that admitting to being pirates would lower their chances instantly. As Sanji was still startled Zoro panicked and swallowed the last of his Sake, slammed the bottle onto the table grabbed Sanji's, chugged it down in less than three seconds and blurted out nervously "Oi co... ah Sa... ah...you," he pointed at Sanji "help me get some more drinks will ya!" getting up he turned to the girls "Can we get you anything? No?! OK, we'll be right back." He grabbed Sanji by his arm and pulled him back to the bar.

The women watched bewildered as the two men argued intensely and then came back with two more drinks in hand and slightly suspicious smiles on their faces.

Sanji sat back down in the booth and turned to the blond again "Excuse us! So where were we?" "I just asked you whether you were sailors." the blond repeated recovering a little from the weird behaviour just displayed by their companions.

Sanji answered. "Yepp, we came here on a merchant ship. I'm a first class cook and he's a mercenary!" he added jabbing his thumb in Zoro's direction.

"Cool," said the shorter haired one of the brunettes. "So, have you seen any pirates yet?"

Zoro choked lightly on his drink but it went unnoticed by their company.

"Uhm, no not really, hahaha, why?" Sanji enquired nervously.

"Well, duh, 'cause pirates are totally hot!" the longer haired brunette answered.

"Is that so?" Zoro said flashing Sanji a small grin making sure that the women wouldn't see it.

"That's funny, because actually..." but he was interrupted by the blond girl.

"Yeah like that one band of pirates, what were they called...ah yeah, Mugiwaras, their like really strong and I totally dig that Roronoa-guy, I've got his bounty poster and everything!"

"I prefer Black Leg Sanji" the short haired one piped up "He's like really mysterious, no one even knows what he looks like!"

"You know," Sanji just about managed to hold it together and not fawn over the woman "we weren't entirely truthful... because actually that's us!" he said mysteriously.

The three women fell silent and looked at him quizzically making Zoro a little uneasy.

"Really, were actually part of the Straw Hat crew!"

Still no reaction.

Then all at once the women started laughing their pretty little heads off.

* * *

"What the fuck?" Zoro growled chugging down the third drink in as many seconds. They had gone back to the bar after they had been laughed away from the booth they had been sitting at beforehand. "What was so funny about that? How could they not recognise us? I mean she said she had my bounty poster...I knew I shouldn't have been smiling. I never smile... But really, with the uncanny resemblance how they couldn't recognise you?" His reward was a well polished dress shoe to the head.

"This is humiliating" Sanji whined after bringing his foot back to the floor. "And they were such lovely ladies..."

Zoro snorted next to him earning himself a glare.

"What?!" Sanji snapped.

"Well they'd have been fine to screw but they weren't exactly Dr. Vegapunk!"

"Why you..." And with that Sanji launched himself at the green haired man.

* * *

"I don't believe this!" Nami huffed scowling at her squabbling crew mates from behind a menu card.

"Those ones should have been really easy targets! I mean listen to them they're immensely stupid. How could they manage to screw that one up?"

"Calm yourself, Navigator-san, or you might draw their attention to us. You know that is not what we are here for."

Nami grunted indignantly, glaring at the mildly smiling woman across form her.

"I know, but those two idiots always manage to infuriate me!"

Ignoring the slight chuckle from across the table she turned back to the two targets of her monitoring.

AN: I did say I knew where I was going, I didn't say I knew how I'd get there. So, there is a punchline to all this but I was always rubbish at building up stories or jokes. I apologise, I hope you'll stick with me to the end, though. Constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated , in fact any kind of comment in form of a review will make me quite happy!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Next chapter up. It's utterly silly, mostly because I'm in a funny mood because I should really be working on a presentation for Friday but haven't done anything yet. I'm starting to see a pattern here. Whenever I'm procrastinating university work I get down to writing on my fics. Good for my writing, bad for uni... Anyway, thanks for the reviews, and more are always appreciated. Also we're halfway their 'cause there'll be at the very most two more chapters. I'm not very good with plots so I'll mostly stick to drabbles. I still hope you enjoy it. Here goes.

After lashing out at each other for the best part of five minutes Zoro and Sanji had finally calmed down and were now plotting on how to go about their next attempt at flirting.

"So, do we stick to our merchant ship story or do we just admit to being pirates?" Sanji asked.

"I'm not sure, either" Zoro admitted "I mean, they didn't even believe us and I'm sure most of them won't. In fact," he continued "the only ones who are bound to believe us'll be some bounty hunters, and I swear if I'm bothered by them on my night off, there will be casualties!"

Sanji snorted into his glass. They were both terribly on edge. Any kind of fight they had come across in the last couple of weeks had been so violent that even Luffy had given them a sideways look after the last one, seemingly a little shocked by their recklessness. Actually, he had just given Sanji that look, because Zoro was known to butcher his opponents but Sanji prided himself in having a little more style than that. Well, usually. He really needed to get laid.

"What about those ones over there?" Zoro pulled Sanji from his thoughts gesturing to two women, both badly died blonds with their backs turned to the pirates.

Sanji took a closer look, then snapped at Zoro "Those are guys, you moron!"

The swordsman turned beat red in less than a second. "WHAT?" he splattered. "Well, you must know!" He caught himself again "They just looked easy, is al...l" He was clearly embarrassed, Sanji could tell, and rightly so.

"I thought you'd be useful, but that's just disgusting!" Zoro was to embarrassed to reply.

The cook sighed exasperatedly to try to calm himself and then suggested "Look, there's another two girls standing over their. Nothing special, but that should make it easier. You..." he pointed his finger accusingly at Zoro "stay here, I'll bring them back over!"

Zoro, realising that his face was still as red as a tomato, didn't complain and instead ordered another drink.

Sanji took another few calming breaths and then sauntered over to the two women.

* * *

Nami watched with a little relief that Sanji was now making his way over to two young women who were standing in a corner deep in conversation. Feeling that she could allow for a little fun for herself and Robin she turned back to the dark haired woman across from her.

After only a little while into their conversation the archaeologist got the feeling that her Nakama seemed somehow distracted. "Is everything alright, navigator-san?"

"Hah?" Nami snapped back to reality "Oh, Robin, sorry!" She leaned closer to Robin and the other woman did the same understanding that Nami wanted to share something with her without anyone overhearing. "Don't turn around, but at the table behind you there are two ditzes which are incredibly annoying."

"Yes," Robin chuckled lightly at the Navigator's irritation. "I have noticed them as well. They truly seem rather dense and immensely loud. But don't let yourself be annoyed by women like that."

"Yes, sorry Robin. Tell me again, what you were just saying." She gave the two scantily clad women behind her friend one last look and then her attention was back on the conversation with the archaeologist.

* * *

Half an hour later the swordsman and cook were back where they had started out the last time, drinking and insulting each other at the bar.

"I just don't believe our luck. And your stupid chivalry, we could have had them!" Zoro ground out at the man sitting next to him on a bar-stool raking through his blond hair.

Sanji looked up at his companion with irritation clearly written across his face. "Oh come on. I didn't see you dragging them upstairs. You know why we couldn't have done it, I give even you the credit of having enough decency for that. Those two were the loveliest girls I've ever met, except for Nami-san and Robin-chan of course."

Zoro snorted, though there was little humour in it. "Yeah, fucking angels. How do we manage it? In a bar like this, to find the two women who might go on to win a medal or some shit for their altruism? I mean seriously. A teacher for small children and a nurse who both do all that charity work?!"

"So, tell me you could've broken either of their hearts just for a little bit of fun."

"Che, not after they started all that one true love bullshit. How could I go and be the one to show them how delusional they are!"

"That's not delusion! Don't go around laughing at other people's dreams just because you'll never have a hope of finding true love!"

The two men glared at eachother only for a second before launching themselves at the adversary for another loud scuffle.

* * *

"What the...? They just... How could they... Wha...?!" Nami spluttered to Robin's amusement.

Then the young woman's flustered expression turned into an evil grin that made the archaeologist feel a little uneasy, though she knew it wasn't herself she needed to worry about. For the second time that night Nami leaned over the table to confide in her Nakama. Robin listened intently to what Nami had to say and even had to chuckle a few times. She knew the young woman was really only caring for her crew-mates but she had a very unique way of doing so.

When the plan had been laid out to the dark haired woman Nami leaned back and declared in a loud voice "Ooohhh Onee-san look at those two hot pieces of man-meat over there at the bar."

Robin turned in an overly exaggerated manner to look at her two crewmates quarreling at the bar and thanks to them being too distracted by each other she had no inhibitions to state just as loudly "My my! What an exciting sight, indeed!"

She noticed Nami looking past her, just behind her back and was then given a satisfied smile. So they had their attention.

Nami fained an awestruck gaze. "Look at that blond one. He's so amazingly handsome. But look, he's still really strong!"

"And that young man with green hair that has the lushness of a freshly rained on meadow, he's a swordsman, and you know what they say about swordsmen." Robin answered with an equally awestruck voice, though she had slightly more difficulty with keeping a straight face. That wasn't really necessary though, because her expression wouldn't need to be seen anyway.

"No, Onee-san, I don't, tell me what they say about swordsmen?" Now even Nami wondered whether she was going a little over the top.

"They say," and Robin leaned over the table to seem as though she was being discreet but in fact spoke a little louder, "that they have amazing stamina and impeccable control of their _sword_!"

The scraping of chairs behind her was confirmation enough that Nami's plan had been successful. And once the eavesdropping females were out of earshot both Nami and Robin could hardly ceep themselves on their seats from laughing.

* * *

Zoro and Sanji were so caught up in their fight that they didn't notice the subtle clearing of a throat beside them, the first time. Even the second one went unnoticed. But they did stop in their tracks, Zoro pressing the hilt of his sword into Sanji's cheek and tugging at the other man's clothing with his free hand while Sanji was kneeing him in the gut and pulling at his hair, when a loud and persisting female voice screeched next to them "Oi guys, would you like some company?"

Not letting go of each other Sanji and Zoro gave the two women that had materialised at their side a once over then looked at each other with a smirk that clearly said _perfect_ and then suddenly sprung back into action. Sanji turned to the two with a charming smile. "Of course we'd love you to join us, care for a drink?"

But Zoro was already on it, waving the bartender over to get something for their new companions.


	4. Chapter 4

Sanji was almost reluctant to actually revel in their current situation, lest he jinx it. After all the bad luck they had been having he had difficulty believing that they were on a real run now. These two women who had come up to them were shamelessly flirting and flaunting their pretty fit bodies in front of the two pirates. Admittedly they weren't quite as nice as the two girls they had been chatting to earlier in the evening, but both parties knew that they weren't out to do anything nice once the night proceeded. That these two were out for some action was incredibly obvious and made the situation even easier to handle. Even the stupid marimo wasn't making an ass of himself flirting. Naturally he wasn't as skilled and charming as Sanji was but the way the taller of the two was hanging off the swordsman's arm indicated that there was nothing he could say to discourage her. They clearly had this one bagged. And even though they weren't necessarily the sharpest tools in the shed, the short blond he was now flirting with was definitely up to parry in their sexy banter.

''Excuse me boys,'' she suddenly interrupted his thoughts, ''I'd just like to go to the ladies room, what do you say we head to my place to celebrate our fresh acquaintance when I get back?'' She smiled coyly leaving no doubt in the pirates' minds as to what she was planning.

Zoro looked over at Sanji and nearly had to laugh at the excited gleam in the cook's eyes, though he only saw it because he new his Nakama well, there was no other sign in the blonde's manner that betrayed in anyway that the short girl's proposal had affected him. Zoro let the corners of his mouth twitch in just the slightest way and knew that the cook would catch his message.

''Of course, my dears, that sounds like it could be very entertaining. Let us just pay the bills while you go freshen up''

''Great! You coming?'' the blond girl turned to her taller friend, who dislodged herself from Zoro's arm and after hesitating for a small moment pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before following her friend to a door leading away from the main room of the tavern.

The second the door swung back closed the two men started grinning maniacally at each other.

''You son of a bitch ero-cook! This 's actually working. I could kiss you!''

''Urgh! Please don't or that beautiful pixie won't want to look at me anymore if I have marimo slobber all over me!'' Sanji replied, but was in too good a mood to keep the humour out of his voice. Between him and Zoro they managed to cram out enough crumpled up bills to pay for all the drinks they had consumed in the course of the evening and those of the two ladies' as well. Zoro bought one more bottle of beer for the road and when he was just lifting it to his lips, they were interrupted for the second time that night by a clearing of a throat, though this one was substantially less feminine.

The two men turned around, away from the bar, to come face to face with three of the most brutish guys they had yet to encounter in this tavern.

* * *

Nami was having the time of her life. At this moment she was calculating the price she would be dangling over her two horny Nakama's heads for getting them laid. But really she was just relieved that there would be a lot less tension aboard the Sunny for the next couple of weeks after tonight. Robin was chuckling across the table, amused by her friend's glee with cheating her friends out of some more money. Nami was still going on about how she had should bring in a sex-fee on the ship and organise some action for all her male crew and make sure she got some compensation for her troubles, when she noticed the uneasy look on the archeologist's face.

''What is it, Robin?''

The archaeologist nodded her chin in the direction of the bar, where, Nami noticed, the swordsman and cook weren't busy entertaining the two fawning tarts any longer but were now facing off with a small group of ruffians who were obviously annoyed about something. One of them started grinding out something at her two friends, though what he was saying Nami couldn't hear over the noise in the bar. But the last part was not lost because his volume had risen considerably. _Our girls..._

''Oh dear.'' Robin sighed on the other side of the table.

* * *

Zoro gave the three men glaring at them a quick once over and new instantaneously that either Sanji or himself could handle them with absolutely no difficulty, but they had plans for the night and not even his battle hungry persona was going to give that up for a brawl. So he waited patiently for the men to do something putting a lid over his annoyance and giving off nothing but collected calm. He could feel Sanji tensing up for a very short second before slipping back into nonchalance, obviously going through a similar line of thought as Zoro had.

''Gentlemen, can we help you?'' the blond cook drawled out past the cigarette between his lips.

The men tensed up at the missing unease in the two youngsters. That wasn't the reaction they usually received when they were trying to intimidate someone.

One of them got past his stupor and took a step forward, ''What do you think you're doing with our girls?!''

''What do you mean?'' Zoro ground out in a low tone, contrasting the high volume the other man's voice had taken on.

''Those two you were just molesting belong to us!'' the man on the left barked.

''Excuse me? Molesting? We were merely providing them with stimulating conversation, something they'd obviously be lacking if they had you to engage with on a regular basis. Though I have to object your alleged _ownership_, because I really can't imagine them actually stooping that low!'' Sanji elaborated calmly.

He dodged the blow aimed for his chin with absolute ease. What ensued was a short scuffle that had the two flanking men down in mere seconds and the third one only just managed to scramble away. What the two pirates hadn't taken into account though, was that they were in a bar filled to the brim with patrons and townspeople who, if put to the decision would most likely side with their own and not some travelling youngsters, no matter who had thrown the first punch. And that was exactly what happened. For a tense moment Zoro and Sanji watched one customer after the other getting up and occasionally cracking their knuckles in a threat.

''If these morons ruin my chances at sex, I swear I'll come back to haunt them!'' Zoro growled his hand hovering over Wadou's hilt.

''Let's make sure then that we punish them right now just in case we don't get any tonight, which I hope to god won't be the case!'' Sanji replied lighting another cigarette.

The next moment all hell broke loose.

AN: So this chapter is a little short but I have everything I wanted in it so there's nothing I could add to make it any longer and still be halfway entertaining. Yeah, still no nookie for Zoro and Sanji. You'll have to wait for the next chapter to see whether they'll ever get any. That, by the way, will probably be at least another two weeks before I'll get to write it because I'll be up to my eyeballs in exams. Also that will most likely be the last chapter. Then again I've started on another fic due to a bit of inspiration I got when reading an author's note from Amethyst Turtle (it was in 'Satirical Lulz', go read it it's hilarious!), it's called 'The Tale of a not so evil Stepmother' and it's all about Bellemere (Yes, I also plug myself). Reviews will make me happy!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I'm so immensely sorry! I don't want to bore you with the details, but I was buried in work and had no time to update. As an apology I tried to make the chapter a little longer than I had planned. This is actually what started the whole story, I just had a vision of Sanji and Zoro in a situation like the one you'll read about in a little bit. Thanks a lot to everyone who read and reviewed, that just makes me so happy, and I'm chuffed to bits that there are people who actually enjoy what I've concocted in my crazy brain. I hope you'll have a little look into my other stories, they're mostly oneshots and an easy read. Thanks again for sticking with me and once more I apologise for the long wait.

Neither Zoro nor Sanji were in the least worried that the charging mob could hurt them in anyway, but the inconvenience was really starting to bother them. Sanji hoped that they could get this situation over with before the two women got back from the restroom. Possibly their manly display of strength could even heighten their chances. In one of his rare displays of optimism in face of a fucked up situation, Sanji lifted his leg to use Diable Jumb from the beginning of the fight. He could feel Zoro's killing aura right beside him and knew that they were both anxious to go all out to end the fight sooner rather than later. Still he hoped Zoro would keep his sword sheathed because he didn't actually want to explain mauled corpses in the town-center to the rest of his crew.

Luckily Zoro knew that the fee for dead islanders with Nami was high enough to keep him in dept all the way into his next life, so he did exactly what Sanji was hoping for and used his strongest techniques without pulling his blade. Wave after wave of attacking bar patrons was knocked over and flung out of the door by feet fast enough to be invisible and a sword sheath that was as powerful as nothing any of these men had encountered on their small island. Still both pirates were surprised to see that none of their opponents backed down but that they all came at them to get their share of a good beating.

* * *

When the commotion started Nami and Robin needed little time to decide what to do next. They bolted. Neither of them was in anyway interested in getting into a physical fight, even though they could each hold their own. ''How do they always manage to draw out trouble in the most peaceful of places?'' Nami grumbled, as the two women slipped along the wall towards the exit of the bar. Robin possessed enough courtesy to not point out that it had been Nami's plan that had brought about the scuffle that was now in full motion in the middle of the pubs main room. Both women winced as they looked over and saw a large group of men being flung towards them by one of Sanji's handstand kicks and decided silently to make a quick escape, careering through the door without their crew mates having noticed their presence.

* * *

''Mmmhh, how did this happen?'' Sanji muttered, looking over at Zoro, who was standing a few feet away from him, covered in dust, and looking equally confused. They were standing in the middle of a huge pile of rubble, which had formerly been the bar, and scattered around the heap were groaning and unconscious bodies. Zoro scratched his head, ''This really is strange. We might have overdone it a little...''

Sanji chuckled, but there was no humour to be detected in his voice, ''Well they deserved it. Claiming a woman... what kind of man does that?''

''Well basically, we did.'' Zoro answered the rhetorical question.

''Well yeah, but that was completely different!'' Sanji said, more confused than angry, not quite knowing how to deal with the whole situation. In one night he had great chances of getting laid, was then deprived of that and then had somehow dismantled a whole building.

''What now?'' Zoro pulled the blond cook out of his thoughts.

''Don' know. I doubt we'll have another chance like those two earlier, so I guess we might as well get back to the ship, before anyone turns up to hold us responsible for this.'' He waved the hand that had been cupping his lighter and cigarette, noncommittally at the area around them.

Without replying Zoro started down towards the road that he thought led back to the harbour, until he heard a cough from behind him. He turned around to see Sanji with a smug look on his face, one eyebrow raised in question. ''You know the harbour is this way?'' he said, jerking his head in the opposite direction Zoro had been heading.

''What ever...'' Zoro snarled, stuffing his hands in his trouser-pockets and following Sanji down the road that apparently would lead them back to their ship.

Only a few minutes later they came upon a truely scary sight, that for once not even had Sanji excited about his two most precious mellorines. In the middle of the street stood Nami, her hands in her hips, her expression promising a slow and painful death and next to her stood Robin, an amused smile on her face, the one which her Nakama knew to be her looking forward to someone suffering.

''Crap!'' Zoro muttered. Next to him Sanji laughed nervously. ''Hello, Nami-san, Robin-chan, how delightful to see you here!''

''Stuff it!'' Nami barked furiously. ''I organise some great peace of arse for you and you manage to fuck up even that. Those were probably the easiest hussies I've seen in quite some time! How??''

Before either of the two men could process the information, Sanji had already gone into full apologetic mode ''Nami-san, I'm so sorry, I don't know how we could... wait what?'' he said halting his excuses, the implications finally registering.

''Yeah, what do you mean?'' Zoro inquired, his eyes narrowing warily.

''Listen, none of us can stand your mood swings anymore. You seriously need to get laid. And I knew that was what you were aiming for, tonight, because all day you've been as giddy as small children on Christmas eve. Now I know, you manage to muck up the easiest things, so I thought I'd better give you a hand, but that you'd manage to screw even that up!''

Nami was surprised to see that neither of them, not even Zoro was seemed to want to object. On the contrary, they were both staring at the ground like scolded little kids. They looked so pathetic that she actually felt a little sorry for them.

She changed her demeanor slightly and tried to keep most of the anger she felt towards the two men out of her voice. ''Look, we really can't have you get back on the ship with all that pent up energy. What you did to that bar... we really can't have you acting like that on a ship in the middle of an ocean, but I have an idea. That there,'' she pointed her finger at the building to her right ''is a whorehouse. Here you have enough money to buy yourselves a good time,'' she handed her two male crew mates a wad of Berri each, ''and I don't want to see even a tip of blond or green hair near the ship before you haven't been laid!!'' Both men in front of her were blushing slightly at this point and it made Nami's mood turn from annoyed to amused, though she wouldn't let the boys know. ''And, well, obviously I want that money back... with interest!''

With that she turned on her heals and headed towards the harbour, Robin following on her heals chuckling quietly.

For a few long seconds both Sanji and Zoro were far to embarrassed to react in anyway, before Zoro mustered the courage to speak. ''Fuck it. We've got the money, there are easy women behind those doors and we've lost all our dignity anyway. I'm going in.''

''How can you?'' Sanji looked at him, aghast.

''Oh, come on. My balls are practically blue, and I'm sure so are yours. You heard the devil woman, we're not getting on that ship if we don't do this, and I doubt we'll have anymore chances of getting some in any other way. And to be honest I want to get off this bloody island as soon as possible.''

He put on a determined face and walked up to the entrance of the plain looking building that apparently housed the relief to most of their problems.

Sanji sputtered, but was following Zoro through the door before it had even swung shut.

* * *

Nami was on the deck sunbathing, enjoying the quiet. She had made Brook and Franky go into town with their three younger crew mates to take them out for breakfast, seeing as their cook hadn't returned yet to prepare anything for them. Robin had also ventured out to find some more books she hadn't been able to purchase the day before.

Nami opened her eyes when she heard footsteps pounding on the pier which the Sunny was tied to.

She looked up to see the two crew mates who hadn't been on the ship the previous night, clamber over the railing. She couldn't put a finger on what exactly gave her the tip off, but she could quite plainly recognise that they had both been successful. She doubted it had been easy for Sanji, as he worshipped women beyond reason, but that seemed to be testimony of how necessary this had actually been, if Sanji had been prepared to shove all his principals aside.

The two men walked up to her, more accurately Zoro was strutting and Sanji was following behind looking incredibly embarrassed. When they reached her, the swordsman thrust a wad of bills towards her. She looked at it sceptically but took it none the less, who was she to turn down money that was offered to her. ''What's this?'' she asked, already stuffing the Berri notes into her bikini top.

Zoro shrugged. ''They wouldn't let me pay.'' he simply said and turned around, heading towards the lower deck and the mens' cabins. Nami looked after him, baffled, not understanding what he meant but glad about the money. Sanji approached her and handed her a second batch of notes, making sure to not meet her gaze. Again she took the money and stuffed it away, entirely confused by the whole situation. ''I'm sorry for your troubles, Nami-san.'' Sanji muttered and quickly hurried off after Zoro. After a few seconds of staring after her two Nakama, pondering their strange behaviour, the penny finally dropped and Nami started blushing furiously. ''Oh my...!'' she gasped. For a short second she was wandering whether she shouldn't have helped her crew mates in a more hands on manner, but immediately shoved that thought aside. That would only make things far more complicated and awkward than they had already been the night before. ''I still want my interest.'' She said to no one in particular and leaned back in her chair.


End file.
